


Just a Dream

by SeraphinaSwan



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: AU, F/M, Genderbend Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 20:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphinaSwan/pseuds/SeraphinaSwan
Summary: Glimpse of the life of Stephanie Rogers and James "Bucky" Barnes before the war and during the war.





	Just a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLntFKtR66g
> 
> Declamation: I don't own any of the characters. All belong to the Marvel and Disney and song property of Carrie Underwood.

 

Stephanie Grace Rogers felt alone. Her mother had just been buried and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for herself that the only light in her life has now left her all alone.

Taking a few steady breaths to catch her breath from the flight up to her 4th floor apartment hadn’t calmed her down at all. She couldn’t get the nagging feeling that her mother’s death was due to her fault. Their household of two wasn’t that blessed with money and due to her frail body, she easily got sick and medicine wasn’t cheap that her mother had to work extra hours to afford them. Sure, their neighbours helped, but Sarah Rogers wasn’t one to get charity when she knows people needed more help than them.

Swallowing her self-pity as she searched for her key in her dress pocket.

 

“Steph!” Steph heard someone running up the metal stairs and from the voice, she already knows who it was. “Steph!”

Turning to address the boy, no man, James Buchanan Barnes had his 18th birthday a month ago and she couldn’t look at him in the eye, fear of breaking down again. She had already run to his family three nights ago when she learned that her mom had died. The Barnes had lived two blocks away from her apartment and they had been like a second family to her but she didn’t want to impose too much on their hospitality any more than she should.

 

“Hey punk. You shouldn’t left the funeral like that. My parents had been worried sick what had happened to ya.” Bucky had reached her floor still in the wearing the attire he wore during the funeral.

“I just don’t want to bother your parents anymore Buck.” She was still searching for the key and Bucky sighed and went to get the spare key on the cinderblock on the corner for her. “Thank you, Buck. But I can get by on my own.”

Bucky placed his large hand on her shoulder and give her a reassuring squeezed. “The thing is... you don't have to.” Steph then to truly look at Bucky’s green eyes for any doubt or pity but only see just Bucky, her childhood friend, her pillar and she was sure that was something more to it. “I’m with you till the end of the line pal.” It was then that Steph was sure, she was going to survive.

> **It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen**
> 
> **All dressed in white**
> 
> **Going to the church that night**
> 
> **She had his box of letters in the passenger seat**
> 
> **Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue**
> 
> **And when the church doors opened up wide**

They had just returned from Coney Island and Steph couldn’t be happier. The company was fun but she was just glad that they were off the Cyclone unhitch this time. The last time she had been up there with Bucky, she throw up all over him.

“Thank you for the perfect day, Bucky.” Steph truly enjoy his effort of celebrating her 20th birthday.

“It’s a great accomplishment to reach two decades after all.” Steph gave him a weak punch as she tried to find her key.

“What to come in for a tea before heading back home?” Steph asked meekly, in truth, she didn’t want to be left alone again in her cold apartment just yet. Bucky must had sensed it or being cooperative for the birthday girl and nodded.

They talked more throughout the night and Steph couldn’t be happier. It had taken a long time to get back since her mother’s passing 3 years ago and Bucky has been her pillar every step of the way.

“Thank you for everything Buck.” She had to say it. She wasn’t sure whenever she will have the chance to thank him. Sure, she had a crush on him since they were kids and he had mistaken her for a scrawny boy. Their friendship now was content enough for her.

“You don’t have to thank me, Steph. It was my pleasure to make you smile.” That had gotten both of them to blushed and Bucky coughed to cover his missed up. Feeling the tension, Steph went to clean their cups.

“Say Steph,”

“Hmm?” Steph turned to see the usual confident Bucky tensed and uneasy on her small kitchen table was unnerving. “Bucky what’s wrong?” She quickly went to seat beside him.

“I was wondering. Have you thought of having your own family?” The blushed that came was rather hard to hide that she stuttered and Bucky laughed at her.

“I would never had thought of getting you tongue tied.” Bucky tend went to her cupboard and reached the top most and brought over a small gift wrapped box.

 “Another present to the birthday girl.” Steph took it from him

“This is better be not another box of spiders like last year.” Steph joked and find it odd that Bucky didn’t laugh like usual and opened up the poorly wrapped box and stared in wonder at the small diamond ring on the velvet box.

“Bucky, what is this?”

“I’m pretty sure its called a ring.”

“You jerk.”

“Punk.” Bucky smiled at her and went to drop down on one knee and took the ring to slipped it on her thin finger. “Stephanie Grace Rogers, will marry this lowlife guy from Brooklyn?” Gasping for her breath, Bucky feared that he might have triggered her asthma.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry Steph. I didn’t mean to upset you.  Wait, I’ll get your meds.” He quickly went to her bathroom and Steph couldn’t help but feel like it was just a dream. The man of her dreams proposes to her on the best day of her life and she had her asthma attack from over excitement. That’s something too good of a story for them.

Almost like a perfect dream.

> **She put her veil down**
> 
> **Trying to hide the tears**
> 
> **Oh she just couldn't believe it**
> 
> **She heard the trumpets from the military band**
> 
> **And the flowers fell out of her hand**

“You are being drafted?” Steph’s voice choked as she stared down at the open letter on their small dining table. She felt Bucky’s large hand came to rest on her shoulder.

“You know its coming sooner or later.” Bucky gave her a little squeezed and took the letter. “Don’t worry about it. Once I’m back, we can start the family we always wanted.”

Stephanie Rogers Barnes, did not like war. But she knew her country needed all the help they could get. And if her husband of a year was going to serve, then she has to do something too.

“Oh no. I know that look. What are you scheming now Rogers?” Steph turned to the handsome man she ever know and smiled her big grin.

“I’m enlisting too.”

“No.”

 “You are helping the war. Then I’m going to help too.”

“I know you wanted to help. God, but your health.” Steph glared at Bucky for that comment.

“Wrong choice of words.” Bucky murmured as his wife was giving him a death glare, kind of cute since she barely reach his chin and weight only half of him. Yet, her determination was one of the things that made him love her. “Ok, let’s think about it more logically.” Bucky guided his wife to their beaten up couch.

“If you ever get accepted.” Bucky started and was quickly cut off by his wife.

“I will.” He had to forced his smile down to a frown.

“You punk. Would you let me finish.” Steph gave him a weak shoved. “Now, let’s say you have been accepted in the army. Great. Now what? You can’t fight in the front line, Steph.” She glared at him and he raised both his arms up. “Not because you’re a girl but because I don’t want you in the front line.”

“But you will be in the front line and—“

“I will be fine. After all, I know coming home to you will keep me going.” Bucky gave her a lopsided grin that made any dame sooth with glee. “Plus, if you being a nurse make me jealous of the other men under your care.”

“Bucky!” He laughed and pulled her into a bear crushing hug.

“Nothing is going to change your mind is there.” He murmured on her golden locks.

“Nope. And who is going to take care of you if not me you jerk.” Bucky smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss.

> **Baby why'd you leave me**
> 
> **Why'd you have to go?**
> 
> **I was counting on forever, now I'll never know**
> 
> **I can't even breathe**
> 
> **It's like I'm looking from a distance**
> 
> **Standing in the background**
> 
> **Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now."**
> 
> **This can't be happening to me**
> 
> **This is just a dream**

Great. Just great. Another failed clearance. Its already her third attempt and its getting harder and harder to tell them she was a different person. Steph winced when Bucky placed the antiseptic on her scrapped knee.

“Seriously, Steph. You almost gave me a heart attack when I saw you being pulled to an alleyway. What were you thinking?” She didn’t want to be reprimanded by her husband but she truly wasn’t thinking straight when she angered a man on his lack of patriotism.

“It was his fault. He shouldn’t have bad mouthed those soldiers like that.” She winced again when Bucky wrapped the bandage too tightly.

“Do you really like being beaten up?” She pouted and was surprised when Bucky took her clenched hands. “Another failed. And your from Ohio now?” His too happy tone was not pleasing at her bruised ego.

“I could get the next one.” Bucky sighed and straighten up from his crouch position on their small bathroom floor.

“You know, lying on the papers are bad.” He was clearing up their medicine pack and Steph when to hugged him from behind.

“I just don’t want to be left behind.” Her voiced was covered by his back and Steph felt his roughed hands went to pull her arms free from him.

“You will never be alone. My parents are just living a floor down stairs and—“

“Bucky.” Steph whined and Bucky lifted her chin up to wiped away tears from her cheeks.

“I love you.” He said and went to kissed her full on the lips. “And I you have no idea how much it scares me leaving you alone here. What stupid things you will get into and I’m not here to help you.” That gave him a small laugh from his wife. Guiding them out of the cramped bathroom, he went to their closet and pull out the pink dress he loved to see on his petite wife. “Here. Dress up, we are going out tonight.”

“Where are you going?”

“A convention.”

> **The preacher man said, "Let us bow our heads and pray**
> 
> **Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt."**
> 
> **Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard**
> 
> **Then they handed her a folded up flag**
> 
> **And she held on to all she had left of him**
> 
> **Oh, and what could have been**
> 
> **And then the guns rang one last shot**
> 
> **And it felt like a bullet in her heart**

Bucky seemed to be very excited about the hovering car that Steph had to swallowed her bored so he could enjoy his last few days at Brooklyn. She was getting anxious as his ship out date comes nearer and nearer and yet she was still nowhere near getting into the army. She suddenly felt a pull to let all the noise out that she told Bucky she needed to go to the ladies room.

Once a little out of the noise of the hall, she stared at the poster of Uncle Sam’s pointing at her to join the army.

“Its you that doesn’t want me.” She glared at the poster.

“I’m sure America loves all her children.” Suddenly startled as an elderly man came out of the shadows to talk to her. “Sorry to startled you, Ma’am but why the grudge on Uncle Sam?”

“Its not him. I just feel anxious that’s all.” She has no idea why she was telling all these to a stranger but he seemed like a nice guy.

“Its the war. Even though it’s across the Atlantic, we still hear them quite near.”

“All the men are being sent there and I feel useless not being able to join the army.”

“Oh I’m sure you are not.” The elder man smiled.

“Steph! Are you ready to go home?” Bucky was walking towards to them and Steph turned to say goodbye to the elder man but didn’t see him there anymore but a piece of paper on the floor. She took it before going to Bucky and both of them walked home.

> **Baby, why'd you leave me**
> 
> **Why'd you have to go?**
> 
> **I was counting on forever, now I'll never know**
> 
> **I can't even breathe**
> 
> **It's like I'm looking from a distance**
> 
> **Standing in the background**
> 
> **Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now."**
> 
> **This can't be happening to me**
> 
> **This is just a dream**

It had been a day since Steph went to save Bucky and the other POW on a German base behind orders. She was under her tent, waiting for orders from Philips to grained her more. Even though his outburst last night was enough to kill her ears off. Bucky was sleeping on a cot beside her and she was recalling the scene where she thought Bucky had died. It truly made her blood cold.

_“Bucky, hey Bucky! Its me, Steph.” Bucky was delirious on the metal table and Steph quickly removed all the strapped on him._

_“Steph.” Bucky gave her a weak smile and she knew that he would be alright._

_“Come on now Buck. Easy now.” Steph helped her husband. She was so scared when she heard his troop was captured that she feared of not being able to see him again. Now, even at the mist of enemy territory, she has her Bucky._

_“Steph? I thought you were smaller.” Steph was still shorter than her 6 foot 2 husband but she could face him face to face without the need to stand on her tiptoe anymore. The serum worked wonders to her over all health, the added height didn’t bother her either._

_“Long story. Had volunteered to an experiment while you were gone.” They walked out of the room to find an exit._

_“What? I leave like 5 minutes and you volunteered to become a Guinee pig? Steph what were you thinking!” Bucky sounded angry but Steph couldn’t blame him. Before his shipping off, she promised to not enlist to give him peace. But she didn’t promise about not participating on the the experiment Dr. Erskine had about Super Soldier. True, they wanted men but she was so willing to try it that they gave her_

_“To be with you.”_

_“That’s sweet and all Doll but did it hurt?” They had rounded in a corner and the whole place was getting warmer for some reason._

_“Just a little.” It hurt like hell, but she didn’t want to stress Bucky anymore than she had already._

_“Is it permanent.”_

_“So far.”_

Bucky steered from his side and Steph smiled when his green eyes open to smile right back at her.

“You looked so different.” Bucky murmured and went to hugged her closer to him.

“Don’t you like it?” Suddenly self conscious. She hadn’t thought what Bucky would think about this physical change.

“It’s a thing I’m gonna get use too.” She gasped when Bucky went to kiss behind her ears. “Though you still have the same weak spot.” He teased and she gave him a weak kick on his leg.

“Have you thought after these?” Bucky whispered to her. “Your health improved tremendously that we don’t have to worry if you can make it to winter.” He gave her a squeezed and sighed in relief.

“You have no idea that very reliving.” Steph gave a weak chuckle.

“Yeah, no more overtime on the docks for you to buy anymore medicine for me.”

“Hey, I’m being serious here punk.” Steph laughed and turned to face her husband.

“You have no idea how thankful I am to have you, jerk.” She kissed him and Bucky seemed like he was about to chocked.

“You are one of a kind, Stephanie Rogers Barnes.”

> **Oh,**
> 
> **Baby, why'd you leave me**
> 
> **Why'd you have to go?**
> 
> **I was counting on forever, now I'll never know**
> 
> **Oh, I'll never know**
> 
> **It's like I'm looking from a distance**
> 
> **Standing in the background**
> 
> **Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now."**
> 
> **This can't be happening to me**
> 
> **This is just a dream**
> 
> **Oh, this is just a dream**
> 
> **Just a dream**
> 
> **Yeah, yeah**

This couldn’t be happening. Steph sat cold, alone on the tavern. How could these be it? Bucky was gone. They had been a good team, yet she wasn’t there to help him when he falls from the train.

“Hey,” Steph didn’t even bother to look up at Peggy when she went to sit beside her. “Its going to be alright.” She knows her relationship statues with Bucky. The rest of the army didn’t. After all, Captain America would had been much more powerful if she was single.

“How could this happen, Peggy.” Steph choked and finished her fifth glass of beer. What also sucks was that she couldn’t get drunk enough to forget the scene. Of Bucky’s face when he fell. The serum had its downfall after all, she could remember the scene perfectly like it was playing over and over again in her mind.

“Should you go slow on the beer. Bucky wouldn’t have want you become a drunkard.” Steph laughed grimly.

“He has nothing to worry about. Because of the serum, I could not get drunk.” Peggy stopped her from going to get another beer.

“Sure, but drowning it down doesn’t help either.” Steph couldn’t take it anymore and just broke down on the wooden floor and Peggy cradle her into her arms.

“This is just a dream. This can’t be happening.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have to thank my friend, MandaWrites, to help me get back into writing again. Had a long hiatus and these baby came out. 
> 
> I know its a bit different from how the movie had portrait it and the very thought that Steve is Stephanie makes this story a bit AU to it. And it doesn't really show the song's main concept, still, because of this song, I got this idea, so I have to put it in the story.  
> And I couldn't write the train scene, I'm sorry. It was too much. 
> 
> Anyway, the song for some reason reminds me so much on war widows (the music video might be the main reason.) and salute to Carrie Underwood for making a perfect song that really pulled your heartstrings. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! and have a blessed day!


End file.
